Restoration
My life has not always been easy, even as a
Christian I have struggled. When I became a Christian it was the greatest day
of my life besides my two beautiful girls been born.
My life had a meaning now that I have Christ. What
I was not prepared for was the enemy. To kill, steal, and destroy is the only
thing he knows.
1
Peter 5:8Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour.
I was not prepared. I had read it many times but
had not experienced it yet. It happened to me unexpectedly. It was a relentless
attack, not matter what I felt, or what I thought I knew the problems piled up.
Divorce, abandonment, restlessness, depression, suicidal thoughts, financial struggles,
family gone. The list goes on, this lead to drugs and alcohol, with lead to
isolation, and self pity.
I slowly started to seek the lord once again, but
had many strongholds, I was in bondage. Even found myself in a church, the Lord
was reaching out to me once again, and I was trying to take his hand. I
encounter many battles with the enemy, even lost my roommate to cancer. Shortly
after I became what you know as homeless, but the streets have another name for
it. The streets of California are ruff, but the Lord will lead you if you seek
him.
Matthew
6:33But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.
It was not easy for me in the cold nights and rainy
days, trying to hustle for food and shelter. Some days were better than most,
but there was nothing like the church days. Some days I worked for my uncle by
day, and if there was room at the shelter I was there by night. The more I prayed
to God, the more signs and miracles I saw, some were explainable some were not.
I eventually stopped doing drugs and alcohol. I stopped pursing women and
started to pursue Jesus.
Flee from youthful passions, and
pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the
Lord from a pure heart.
Life was starting to be beautiful once again. It
came to me out of nowhere, struck with pneumonia. I thought I was going to die,
in fact I think I did. I blacked out in the ambulance and it was during that
time I really felt Gods presence, and his great love for me to keep living. I
woke up in the hospital bed dazed and confused. Trying to scrabble together the
voice and images I had seen in my head. I remained in the hospital for 3 weeks.
I was saved by Gods grace and love for me.
Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, who
is rich in mercy, because of His great love
that He had for us,
made us alive with the Messiah even though we were dead in trespasses.
You are saved by grace!
After being discharged from the
hospital, I stay in California for another two weeks, and then I moved to North
Carolina, I had not been home for three and a half years. Through my illness I
understood life should be with those whom you love, not who or what you want.
Being in the hospital was an experience like no other. It is where I understood
life and death, and also my value in Christ.
My bus trip to NC was an adventure. I shared
my testimony with others, and heard many stories as well. As I shared felt
closer to God, but I also felt shame and guilt. Seeing families with kids was
painful for me, because I missed my daughters so much and still do. All I can
do is pray but the pain and the guilt I felt inside was still there. I was now 2752.99
miles away from my little girls. The farther away I got from them the more pain,
shame, and guilt I felt inside. I was happy to finally be home but I could not
help how I felt.
All of you take up my yoke
and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find
rest for yourselves.
Pain, shame, and guilt (PSG) got the
best of me. I started going to a local church, my family when to a different church
from me. I struggled with (PSG), I took it everywhere with me. It was heavy,
and sometimes I could not leave the house or my room. I felt no one understood (PSG)
like I did. One day I decided to go to the Faith Harvest Church, it is also
were my family goes. I went there twice, and realized that this is where God
wants me to be. Later had meeting with the church pastor. We spoke for a while,
shared my testimony with him and also my struggle with (PSG). He understood,
and encouraged me to go to a program I had learned about earlier that week. The
pastor at Faith Harvest is truly a man of God. Not only is he my pastor, he
also my brother.
I went to Bethel Colony of Mercy, it is
a place where can go to deal with addiction, strongholds, bondage, (PSG). I
wanted to get closer with God, because I had fallen short of his glory. It was
there I rededicated my life to Christ once again. As I went to the Calvary I saw
Jesus on the cross with nails in his hands and feet. As I got closer I realized
the nails were my sins. I became broken and I got on my knees. I prayed to him
and asked for forgiveness and submitted to him. He forgave me once again, and
now I live for him and only him. I started to walk and I looked back at the
cross and Jesus was no longer there. I looked beside me and there he was,
walking with me, and he still is up to this day. Thank you Jesus for dying for
me I Love you.
Do not be conquered
by evil, but conquer evil with good.
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